I dream of a world where children’s beauty and innocence can shine without being shred to pieces and stripped away by the wicked desires of perversion and evil that lurk in the shadows and mask brilliantly in the spotlight.

I wish I could ignore the idea that there is such darkness, but having survived and miserably failed at every solution that was peddled to me in order to heal from it, what I learned is this; to ignore it is to succumb within the destructive programming that deceived me into believing I needed to keep quiet, to feel shame, to pretend it never happened, to completely give my power away, to rely soley on my sexuality as a means to be loved, to know my place as a pawn in a man’s world, and to ultimately submit to a patriarchal god.

There was nothing outside of myself, no man, no friend, no pharmaceutical, no psychiatric intervention, no religion, no savior or guru capable of rescuing me contrary to what I once believed and dedicated most of my life to pursuing.

What has healed me and brought peace and a different kind of sobriety is believing in and loving all of myself instead of buying into the false belief that I was born flawed and could never atone my sins unless I did this ONE thing.  I  fully commited myself to it, the WHOLE 9 yards.

Getting “saved” did not in fact save me. Water baptism did not light my path. I felt beyond broken and unlovable. How did it work for everyone else but me? The thing that I put all my faith and trust in for over 40 years did not shield me from suffering emotional paralyzation, victim-identity, or occasional suicidal ideation no matter how many times I fell on my face and cried out for salvation or tried to do all the “right” things.

🔥Fire🔥 is what lit my path.

Trial by fire.

Fire is what led me to know who and what Jesus ( real name, Yeshua) truly is.

That is exactly where He met me. Not in the baptismal fount.

Fire burned away years of lies and potentially well-intended dead-end insistance that I had to follow this one religion that had all the answers despite the wide berth of death and destruction it has wrought for centuries until all that remained was Truth and Light and a bright new rebirth that took place inside of my fractured heart.

I no longer have to wrestle with a belief system that does not align with the love and liberation that has brought peace to my weary soul and enabled me to truly forgive muself and others and walk daily in gratitude with grace and mercy.

I have traded in blind faith for gnosis. This does not mean that the Creator God who has been revealed to me within the trinity of Father, Son, and Mother/Goddess/Holy Spirit does not use the heavily manipulated scriptures (that I once studied in depth) to comminucate with me.

My life and my temple body are a living testimony.

I am no longer flawed but complete in my perfect imperfection, growing outside the box and fully blooming, no longer living in fear of my current state of ignorance, but embracing every moment as maleable, open to all that sparks ever higher planes of love, unity, and joy.

It is true that there is great power in our beliefs. Ultimate power, in fact. We are taught to believe that God said our faith can literally move mountains.

I celebrate everyone’s belief system that bears the fruit of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, for that is what Jesus has revealed to me as mankind’s superpower, and there is an entire universe of spirit beings/angels/guides/ascended masters, etc to help us innerstand.

When you know what your own heart is made up of and have come face to face with and conquered demons, you know how to test the spirits. We are all born with this ability to discern. Religion stripped me of this, and taught me to live in fear of these demons, that I was powerless but to “wait on the Lord” who appeared to have left me high and dry. As those demons closed in tighter threatening to extinguish the flicker of light I barely kept hold of I pulled my sword from the stone and began slaying. 

I went “freestyle” having felt the power of Christ that had eluded me now fully igniting the flames that burned away the deceptive illusion of everything I thought I knew about life, and the demons fled. I kept slaying, emotionally and physically exhausted, until the smoke began to clear and I understood that all the power of creation and destruction was within me and not outside, in the lofty sky.

The word “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek word “entheos” which means the God within. I only this moment discovered this information as I was finishing the last paragraph and felt guided to look it up. (Thrilling!)

I’m very enthusiastic to know who I AM and who He is, and everything else is just icing on my purely esoteric faith cake.

I share my view not to convince anyone I know better or have all the answers, but in hopes that others who are trapped in the traumas of their lives seeing no way out might find a helping hand, a compassionate trail-buddy.